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After a
confrontation with a smug Jake, Anna and David realize that Jake knows that Anna
has knowledge of David's illegal research.
David: "Anna, if they think you know about my research..."
Anna: "I do."
David: "Jake can make you testify against me."
Anna: "I know. Well, I'll refuse."
David: "You can't do that. They'll make you testify."
Anna [smiling as an idea comes to her]: "One thing I learned in the WSB...
There's always a way around the law."
The scene fades out, then returns with a couple in their pajamas, who are
preparing to wed David and Anna.
Earl: "Are you kids ready? Dearly beloved, we're gathered together in the sight of
God..."
Mrs. Tuttle: "Earl, hold up a sec. Can't get hitched without a wedding bouquet."
Earl: "All right. Well, take your place, Mother, there. Now, where were we?
Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in the sight of God to join this man
and this woman in holy matrimony."
The camera pans over to David and Anna who smile at each other.
The Friday's episode ends, then the story picks up on Monday's show. The couple
are having a hard time not cracking up at their wacky wedding.
Earl: "To celebrate the joining of this man and this woman in holy matrimony..."
Anna [to David]: "Nice flowers, huh?"
Earl: "There are no obligations on earth sweeter..."
David [to Anna]: "Mrs. Tuttle wanted you to have something old, borrowed, and musty.
Anna [looking pointedly at David]: "I've got something borrowed.
Earl: "The state of matrimony is based on a deep, invisible union of two souls
who seek to find completion in one another."
Anna [muttering mostly to herself]: "If they're lucky."
Earl [interrupts]: "Do you understand this?"
Anna [confused]: "Do we answer here?"
David: "Yeah, yeah, we understand the whole..."
Anna: "Definitely.
David: "Missing rib thing..."
Anna: "We do."
David: "Completion...:
Earl: "Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be joined
in matrimony, they must speak now or forever hold their peace."
David and Anna look
around to see if anyone is going to jump out and protest. Anna: "No."
David: "I think we're okay."
Anna: "Yeah."
Mrs. Tuttle: "No, wait. I have something to say."
Anna [confused again]: "What? What's wrong?"
Earl [walks over to question his wife]: "Now, what is going on, Honey Cups?"
Mrs. Tuttle: "You know this wedding is wrong. All wrong."
The scene fades out with David and Anna looking confused, then returns.
Mrs. Tuttle: "This wedding, this marriage will be cursed if..."
David and Anna in unison: "If what?"
Earl: "Well, my wife feels that people should..."
Mrs. Tuttle: "Say their own vows. You have to speak from the heart or else --
David and Anna in unison: "Or else?"
Earl: "Or my wife feels that people are cursed if they don't..."
David: "Speak from their heart?"
Mrs. Tuttle: "So, who is going first? Well, you have to look into each other's eyes and talk about the great love you
two share."
David [highly amused]: "Oh, I... I don't know. Lamb Chop, why don't you go first?"
Anna gives him is horrified look and mouths "No".
Earl: "Well, there you go, Mother. That's what you wanted."
Anna: "Fine, I値l go first." [She thrusts the flower into his
hands and clucks a "you chicken"] "Okay, here goes..."
David [amused at her pained
expression]: "Are you going to wrestle me? Are you going to..."
Anna: "Dr. David Hayward..."
[to the Tuttles] "that's his name... this is the last place I expected
to be tonight and this is the last thing I expected to be doing."
David [hamming it up]: "Oh, words of love."
Anna: "I'm getting there,
okay? However, oddly enough, I知 having a wonderful
time because it is so unexpected and you know how I hate to be bored. And
somehow this feels right. So let the adventure begin?"
Earl: "Is that it?"
Anna: "Oh, it was the best I could do. I'm sorry. It was short notice. I..."
Mrs. Tuttle: "Okay, sonny, your turn."
David: "Um...
okay. Thank you, Anna, for... for taking me as I am without trying to
make alterations. Thank you for... for challenging me at every turn. Thank you
for teaching me how to disarm someone with two quick moves."
Anna [giving an
embarrassed look to the Tuttles]: "No, no..."
David: "And thank you for making the supreme sacrifice of becoming my wife."
Mrs. Tuttle: "Oh, Earl, marry these two lovebirds."
Earl: "Do you take Anna to be your wife?"
David: "I do."
[Anna laughs]
Earl: "You promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others
and holding only unto her forevermore?"
David: "Yes, I do."
Earl: "And do you, Anna, take David to be your husband?"
Anna [quickly]: "Oh, I do."
Earl: "Do you..."
Anna [interrupting]: "And ditto on all the rest."
David [surprised]: "Ditto?"
Anna: "Ditto."
Earl: "By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife."
Mrs. Tuttle [to David as the newlyweds just stare at one another]: "Well, aren't you going to kiss her?"
David: "I'm getting to it.
[He gives his new bride a soft kiss, then a more passionate one to which Anna
raises the bouquet to cover their faces].
The scene fades out,
then returns. David is paying Mr. Tuttle for the ceremony.
Mrs. Tuttle: "So where are you two newlyweds honeymooning?"
Anna: "Well..."
David: "Pine Valley."
Anna: "Yeah."
David: "That's Route 25, right?"
Earl: "I don't think you'll be going back to Pine Valley tonight."
Anna: "Why?"
[To David] "Give him a tip, give him a tip."
David: "I'm getting to it, Lotus Blossom. Here you go."
Anna: "Why?"
Earl: "The road's closed."
Anna: "Really? It was fine coming up. Thank you so much."
Earl: "Well, now it's flooded. I heard it on the radio right before you two
walked in."
David: "I...
I didn't hear it on the radio, did you?"
Anna: "No, I didn't."
David: "Well, can you suggest an alternate route?"
[the Tuttles laugh] Earl:
"Alternate route. I love it."
Mrs. Tuttle: "This is Elk Green, population 204."
Earl: "Not Las Vegas."
Mrs. Tuttle: "Don't worry. There's an inn next door. They have the prettiest
honeymoon suite."
David: "Oh, that's great. So, do you mind staying here for the night, Buttercup?"
Anna: "Do we have a
choice... Turtle Dove?"
David: "Okay, so do you...
who do I call for a reservation?"
Mrs. Tuttle: No need. We're the innkeepers."
Earl: Follow us. Come on, Honey."
[A grinning David gives his new wife a whack
on the butt as they go to follow the Tuttles] Anna: "Ooh."
The scene fades out, then returns with the newlyweds entering their bedroom at
the inn. David is carrying his bride and a basket of fruit provided by the
Tuttles.
Anna: "You know, I just think it's so sweet that Mrs. Tuttle is such a romantic
after thousands and thousands of weddings, with the bouquet..."
David: "Yeah, yeah...
yeah, great."
Anna: "And the basket..."
David: "But did she have to force me to lug you over the threshold?"
Anna [not
amused]: "Tell me that's not a crack about my weight."
David [smiling]: "Are we fighting already?"
Anna: "Yeah. We're married, aren't we?"
David: "Yeah. I can't wait for the wedding night."
Anna: "I think we need to establish some ground rules. You hungry?"
[She sits down and they eat some of the grapes]
David: "Tempt me."
Anna: "First, we're not telling anyone we're married."
David: "Because you want to still be considered for the chief of police position?"
Anna: "Right. And I don't want this marriage thingy screwing up my chances.
Grapes?"
David: "So you're saying that you think that I知 less than an upstanding
citizen in this community?"
Anna: "Yes, that's exactly what I知 saying."
David: "Hmm. Well, it was your idea to get married, Sweet Lips."
Anna: "Because Jake is determined to expose your research methods, and he will do
anything he can to get you convicted."
David: "Hmm...
including using your testimony."
Anna: "But wives can't be forced to testify against their husbands. It's so good,
isn't it?"
David: "You put your life and your future on the line for me."
Anna: "And you're wondering what's in it for me?"
David: "Yeah."
Anna: "Firstly, you haven't been charged."
David: "Yet."
Anna: "Right. So I might never be called as a witness."
David: "And if we keep this marriage a secret, you can still get the chief of
police position."
Anna: "That's what I like about you...
smart and cute. Secondly, now, and most
important, if your research proves safe and marketable..."
David [confidently]: "Which it will."
Anna: "Then you, my sweet husband, stand to become a very wealthy man."
David: "So I知 dealing with a gold digger here, huh?"
Anna: "After all I致e done to protect you and your research, I think that as
your wife it's just fair."
David: "And you should become an enormously wealthy woman, right?"
Anna: "Did I say you were smart and cute?
Is marriage to a self-serving, pragmatic chief of police such a bad thing?"
David: "Relax. If you get something more out of this than just moonlit walks on
sandy beaches, that's all right with me."
Anna: "Say it...
whatever's on your mind. Speak now or forever hold your peace.
Come on."
David: "When Jake threatened me, you acted on instinct to protect me. That's a
big deal, Anna. I'm never going to forget that."
The scene fades out and returns as David answers the door to find Mrs. Tuttle
holding a silver wrapped present.
Mrs. Tuttle: "So sorry for disturbing you two, but this is for Mrs. Hayward."
David: "Thank you, Mrs. Tuttle."
Mrs. Tuttle: "Good night, lovebirds."
Anna: "Good night.
What's that?"
David: "I guess it's all part of the Elk Green Inn's honeymoon experience...
a
gift for the blushing bride."
Anna: "You did not have time to get me a gift."
David: "It's the type of husband that I aspire to be."
[Anna opens the present, stops and gives him a dirty look] Anna: "Are you serious?"
David: "What?"
[He looks at the nightgown in the box]
Anna
[completely offended]: "No, don't
WHAT me. You're not serious."
David: "Wait...
Anna, no, this was supposed to be..."
Anna: "A joke?"
David: "Mrs. Tuttle was supposed to pick up a..."
Anna: "Oh, you think you're funny, don't you?"
David: "No."
Anna: "Yes."
David: "Well, actually, yeah, I do, but...
whoa! No, no, no, no..."
Anna: "Oh, you're ticklish."
David: "Stop it."
Anna: "Oh!"
David: "I think it'll look great on you."
Anna [holding
up the homely nightgown]: "You're kidding. I cannot wear this. Look. I haven't worn a nightdress
since I was... since I was... oh, I致e never worn a nightgown, actually."
David: "Well, there you go. So this is a night for firsts all the way around.
Actually, I think you'll do it justice."
Anna: "Don't make me..."
David: "No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. No. Look, I asked Mrs. Tuttle to pick
you up a negligee, okay? I... I didn't realize that she was going to buy Edith
Bunker's pajamas."
Anna: "Wait there, funny man."
David: "Wait...
no, no, no. You're not going to put that on, are you?"
Anna: "Oh, yes."
David: "That's hideous."
Anna: "No, it's hopeless is what it is. But this is your wedding night, and I
wouldn't want to disappoint you. Be right back."
With a music montage in the background, the scene pans to David and Anna in their
honeymoon suite. Anna poses in the doorway in her nightgown, glides about
modeling it and into David's arms. They dance to the bed and fall on it kissing.
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David and Anna Elope
(March 8 and 11, 2002)