1985
 Thumbs Down!
"Everyone who watches soaps knows that
danger is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs around. There's nothing like a
protective embrace to spark a tentative romance. But real danger is very
different from the contrived situation that GH recently presented to its
audience when it sent Frisco and Felicia to a firing range for a tasteless
lesson in sex and violence.
Conviently
announcing that he was an ace shot in military school, Frisco took it upon
himself to teach Felicia how to protect herself from Donely. Instead of
approaching the matter with the seriousness that dangerous weapons warrant, the
spunky Ms. Cummings got weak-kneed as Frisco easily hit the bulls-eye. When her
turn came, the normally bright Felicia handled the pistol like a limp wristed
five year old. All innocent inepitude, she unconsciously pointed the gun
directly at Frisco's abdomen. With a nervous chuckle, he pushed the weapon
toward the target and waited patiently as Felicia shook and fired the gun with
her eyes closed. After a second try, he had no choice but to put his arms around
her and show her how to aim the pistol. This was accomplished cheek to cheek as
the starry-eyed Felicia's attention drifted even further from the matter at
hand.
This kind of
pointless titilation misfires with us. We want to see fireworks, not
firearms!" (SOD 9/10/85)
1987
Worst Storyline "It is painful to even go back into our recent archives and
remember the particulars of the tortuous Laurelton mystery. You see, there was once this
sick chick named Terry who was frigid but curious as well. She saw some guy named
Earl Moody get strangled by fiance Kevin O'Connor in the town hall of her
hometown. On hand were her imperious grandmother, Jennifer Talbot, and her
mealy-mouthed lawyer, Ted Holmes. Many medallions and strangulations and MONTHS
later, the murderer was still at large, in Port Charles. Terry turned up the volume
on her screech box and soon was drowning out fire engine and ambulance sirens all over
town. Although the Laurelton mystery did turn up one ironic twist- Jennifer Talbot
was fittingly stuffed up a drain pipe- the real disappointment was that the killer never
killed Terry. In our eyes that would have been judged a mercy killing, for the
audience was not spared anything in this excruciatingly dull story." (SOD 1/23/87)
General Hospital "How quickly they turn! One day the GH writers decided
they needed a heavy for their Mr. Big story line and chose loyal police mascot Bert Ramsey
(Bob Hastings) as they lucky turncoat. Since this character change made absolutely no
sense, the writers needed some motivation, and quick. Presto! Mr. Big made an
offhand confession that he was bitter at having to share police chief duties with Anna
Devane. We who watch GH distinctly remember Robert Scorpio offering Ramsey the job
even before he considered Anna. Ramsey declined, saying he didn't think he was
qualified. No grounds for a beef here. Plus, as many of our readers have
written, Duke Lavery had a meeting with Mr. Big and his big boys during which Big sat in a
chair. The audience only saw the back of that chair, but Mr. Big faced Duke.
So, how was it such a surprise to Lavery that Ramsey was Mr. Big when he had already seen
him? Somebody goofed." (SOD 1/27/87)
1990
Gimme a Break "This year, General Hospital introduced a world-famous
classical pianist named Katherine Delafield, who was beautiful, sensous, and
sophisticated. Strangely, the writers needed her to be a virgin, apparently for a
sexual sacrifice on the altar of Robert Scorpio. Since Katherine wasn't saving
herself for marriage, it's implausible that she wouldn't have attracted scores of seducers
and chosen at least one. Piano practice may require solitude, but Katherine couldn't
have spent all of her time working on her arpeggios.
When Katherine lost her
virginity to Robert, the writers didn't even take advantage of the opportunity to do some
character exploitation. If the couple's apres-sex chat was any indication, it was a
night of ecstasy for both parties. Are we to believe Robert didn't realize she was
completely inexperienced? Was he too polite to bring up that minor detail or was she
just that good an actress? Portraying such a moment in purely romanticized terms is
further proof that saddling this character with prolonged virginity was nothing but a
sexist, cheap shot." (SOD 1/9/90)
 Duke Dead Again
"It had to be counted as a victory- if not a minor miracle- when a daytime show
brings in a star replacement who successfully lives up to the legacy left by a departed
leading man. General Hospital certainly scored high points when they brought in
daytime veteran Greg Beecroft to take over for Ian Buchanan as the back-from-the-dead
Duke. From the moment this former As the World Turns and Guiding Light star started
strutting his stuff as Jonathon Paget, the Duke and Anna storyline became hotter than hot.
But GH chose not to revel in the winner's
circle for long. Just when viewers were falling head-over-heels for the new Duke's
charm and, subsequently, reviving their interest in romance between favorites Duke and
Anna, GH pulled the plug, instantly transforming triumph into defeat. Beecroft got
the ax and so did a promising plot. Loyal viewers (including me) felt cheated.
Didn't we mourn with Anna when she thought Duke
was killed in the fire? Didn't we build up our hopes when he flew to Brazil for
plastic surgery? Weren't we appropriately thrilled when our favorite star-crossed
lovers were reunited at long last? And what do we get for all our trouble? Duke dies,
again. Thanks a lot.
On one hand, GH should be applauded for hiring
Beecroft. His good looks and roguish manner most certainly weren't painful to the
eyes. Not only was the actor an excellent choice, but the plastic surgery ploy used
to explain the appearance of the new Duke came off well. It looked believable. What's
more, the show didn't try to dupe the audience with the 'old picture switcheroo,' where
the leadign lady suddenly has a desk filled with photos of the new person's
face. When Anna was still trying to figure out the connection between Paget and her
supposedly dead lover, the photos were of Ian Buchanan, lending much more credibilty to
the very poignant scences.
So, after all that trouble, why did GH decide
to waste the talents of Beecroft, torture us with his death, and make us suffer once more
through the drudgery of Anna weaving a widow's web? Beecroft, who says he harbors no
bad feeling toward the GH honchos for their role in his departure just three months after
he joined the show, hypothesizes: 'My theory is that while they were conducting the
search for the new Duke, they really were planning to have hime come back for
good. But then the show changed producers in December [Joseph Hardy took over] and
they'd already established that Duke was alive, so they had no choice but to bring him
back. I assume planned from the start to just bring me in and kill me so they could
free Anna from Duke once and for all. I'm very sorry and disapointed my time was up
so soon on the show. I'd assume that I'd be around at least six month.
So did we. Unfortunately, in this case,
just when things really started spinning again for Duke and Anna, just when the plot line
crackled with that breathless 'What's-going-to-happen-next?' conviction, GH pulled the
plug. Poof, Duke was dead again. End of story, end of excitement. And what a
letdown for all of us." (SOD 5/1/90)
Worst recast-
Duke Redux "Viewers were less than thrilled when, in 1990, a presumed-dead
Duke Lavery returned to Port Charles with a brand-new face and a brand new
moniker: Jonathon Paget (Greg Beecroft). It was bad enough that Ian Buchanan (now
James, B&B) was no longer playing Duke in all his charming Scottish glory, but the
storyline that brought Duke back was a dud. The recasting of Duke turned out to be a
royal letdown." (SOD 7/29/97)
 Worst reconciliation-
Duke and Anna "For the longest time, Anna thought her husband Duke
was dead. He'd been eradicated by the Mob in a bomb explosion, right? Wrong.
Turns out the U.S. Government had rescued Duke and stashed him away somewhere in
a witness protection program. The only way Duke could get back to Port Charles,
without endangering Anna or her daughter, Robin, was by taking on a new identity
and undergoing radical facial reconstruction to make it stick.
When Duke returned home- and Anna finally realized who he was- it was the best
reconciliation in memory. The best. So what made the start of such a beautiful
storyline sour so quickly?
For some reason, the show's writers decided to sabatoge their own handiwork.
Just a few weeks after walking abck into Anna's life, Duke bit the dust again.
Only this time his demise was irreversible. After being shot down in cold blood,
he expired right before Anna's eyes. It was a grizzly, terrorifying sight- and a
monumental shock to the couple's loyal fans.
Why had GH even bothered to recast the role if they were going to nail the
character into a coffin? Granted it was hard to replace Ian Buchanan, who'd been
so popular, but Gregory Beecroft, the new Duke, had done an admirable job of
making vieweres accept him.
Wouldn't it have been kinder to let Duke 'rest in peace' than to reunite him
with Anna, only to tear them apart? A love story like theirs didn't deserve such
a gruesome ending." (SOD 1/8/91)
 State of Siege "There
are hostages in Kuwait, hostages in Lebanon, hostages in Iraq. Hostage in Port
Charles? Yup. A terrorist crisis erupted on the eighth floor of the hospital.
Were these idealisitic rebels seeking to slay the ill El Presidente to free the
banana republic of Santo Maro from the yoke of tyranny? Nah. These
money-grubbing guerrillas, led by General Stark- who, by the way, looked more
like an Austrian ski instructor than the military leader of a Spanish-speaking
country- wanted the Prez's Swiss bank account number. Stark's right-hand man was
two-bit hood Rico, who ran an illegal rackets in PC's barrio. Right.
Anyway, a bunch of people were captured. Led by Anna Lavery, the group coped
admirably. (This sort of thing happens to her all the time.) The crisis went on
and on, and just when viewers were about to be lulled into a siesta, Colton
'Rambo' Shore came to the rescue. (Colton used to be a Marine- that means he can
do anything the writers dream up.) Shore aided by a 'crack' S.W.A.T. team that
consisted of police cadets who were recruited for their shortness and a teen
whose sister was a hostage. It was boring. It was unbelievable and it went on way too long." (SOD
12/11/90)
1991
 General Hospital and Baby Makes Three?
"The Robert, Cheryl and baby storyline supports the theory that one plus one doesn't
always equal two. First, we wondered, can't anyone on General Hospital count?
These normally insightful residents of Port Charles were all certain Robert couldn't
possibly have fathered Cheryl's baby, yet if just one person- including Robert- had
bothered to pause and count to nine, they would have deduced that he was indeed the prime
candidate for fatherhood, since he and Cheryl were together at the time of conception.
The story centered on this conspicious
oversight and appeared to be moving toward the shocking, yet obvious, revelation- Robert
finding out, to his great surprise, of course, that he was in fact the true daddy. But
inconsistencies left a number of unanswered questions that just didn't add up. For
instance, how could the baby be anyone but Robert's, when there was never even a hint that
Cheryl had been with any other man while she was committed to Robert? And if she had slept
with Julian at the time her child was conceived, then how could she be so certain that
Scorpio was the real father in the first place? Then there were Cheryl's maternal
instincts. With no evidence, how did she know that her baby didn't die in childbirth,
as the doctor had told her?
This plot bounced back and forth so many times
it was more like Wimbledon than a soap opera. The most maddening shock was that
Robert wasn't really the father of Cheryl's baby after all. This freed
Robert of any future responsibility fo them, but it was so unfair to viewers who'd waited
so long for Robert to learn the truth. It was a cop-out and a weak plot
device. It looked as though the writers had planned to go in one direction with these
characters, then suddenly changed their minds midstream. They finally opted for an
easy way out- sending Cheryl and her baby son on their merry way to Phoenix and off the
show. How convient."
(SOD 4/2/91)
General Hospital's Earthquake
"Did Gloria Monty really think it was credible for an earthquake to strike GH's Port
Charles? How often have you heard about devastating earthquakes in upstate New
York? While it may be possible, it's not probable. Writing an earthquake into a
program that is trying to appear realistic and in touch with its audience shows poor
judgement. Whether the show wanted to destroy the brownstone set or that Monty hated
the new Quartermaine mansion, there were other ways to do away with those settings. A
sudden tornado would have been more on target. Instead, we're left to wonder whether
the show cares about reflecting reality or is merely hoodwinking its loyal fans. The
sets can be rebuilt, but what about the trust and the belief of the viewer?" (SOW
7/2/91)
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