Mac Parties at the Rehab Center
The setting is the Rehab Center where Mac's doing his community work.  Mac moves down the darkened corridor pushing a janitor's cart and comes up on Moonvis sleeping at his desk an empty can of soda next to him.  This is taken from a transcript, so the actual aired version may be somewhat different.

Mac (quietly): "Moonvis?"  (then more loudly)  "Moonvis?"   (then he shouts)  "Moonvis!"  (Moonvis is completely out.   Mac signals to the others.  Gravel Gertie, Homerun Harriet, Star, other rehab patients, and a reluctant Clarence move down the hall, Finian bringing up the rear.)

Clarence: "I'm certain the foregoing activity violates some statute of the penal code."

Star: "You and your penal code are beginning to bore me, Clarence.  Relax.  We won't get punished if we don't get caught."  (They've caught up to Mac.  To Mac regarding Moonvis.)  "Asleep?"  (Mac nods.) 

(Gertie picks his head up by the hair.  Moonvis doesn't budge.) Gertie: "Great idea slipping all our tranquilizers into his soda."  (She drops his head with a resounding thud.  Finian cringes.  They move into the community room.)

Clarence: "Involuntary inducement of a barbiturate.  Has to be a misdemeanor- at the very least."

Gravel Gertie: "I won't miss that lout's demeanor for a New York minute."

Mac: "All right, mates.  It's party time!"  (He sticks in a cassette and turns the music on.)

Star (sidles up to Finian): "What do you say, handsome?  Want to dance?"

Finian: "Perhaps later.  Want to help me put out the refreshments?"

Star: "Pu-lease... that's what we have servants for!"

Finian: "Well then, Clarence could use a kick-start to his circulatim?"  (Star immediately drops into a Mae West pose.  She saunters up to Clarence and Mac.)

Mac: "Loose up, mate.  It's a party."  (Star spins Clarence around, sends him into a dip.)

Star: "Came to loose your honor, Your Honor?"  (They tango across the room.   Move to Gravel Gertie with Finian, motioning other rehab patients into the room.)

Gravel Gertie: "I can't eat this crap.  No way, no how.  I'm on that cable access diet."

Finian: "Well, I'm sure I can come up with something well within the bounds of your dietary regimen."

Gravel Gertie: "Got any miso and tree bark?"

Finian: "No, I've got hot dogs and pickle relish."

Gravel Gertie (digging in): "Same difference." 

(Star tango's back with Clarence, eyes Mac, and drops Clarence to the floor like a sack of beans.) 
Star: "Mac, Mac... dance with me.  The night is young."

Mac: "You've got that right, luv."  (and as they dance and the party continues, close on Finian, who grins at Mac, lifts his club soda and offers a cheers salute.)

Scene fades out to Robert and Anna at Robert's penthouse... the scene returns back to the center, where Gertie's trying to get everyone's attention.

Gravel Gertie: "Hey, everybody!  Hey!"  (They ignore her.  She puts her fingers to her mouth and gives a loud, shrill whistle.  They snap to attention, Finian turning the music down.)  "I propose a toast!"  (She lifts up her soda.)  "To our buddy Mac!  And the best darn night we've ever had in the rehab center!"

Mac: "Thank you.  Cheers!"

Clarence (still suspicious): "I still think this is highly illegal business.  Where's the permits, the liquor license, the required insurance coverage, the..."

Finian: "Clarence... I'm beginning to think they put you on the wrong medication.   Lighten up!"

Star (acting): "I want to thank you all for coming.  I am truly honored.  I want to thank my producer, my director, and all the members of the academy."

Gravel Gertie: "Take a powder, honey.  Oscar skipped town."

Mac: "Hey Star... there's a dream part out there waiting for you in the wings, I know it."

Star: "Yeah?'   (She sighs.)  "Where were you when I needed an agent?"

Gravel Gertie (spins Mac): "You're a prince, a spiritual Rockefeller... if I was 20 years younger... make that thirty..."

Mac: "Oh, come on Gertie.  You're not old."

Gravel Gertie: "Oh yeah, when I take a shower, change falls out.  What'dya call that?   Old."

Mac: "Well, fellow revelers, I had a terrific time and I'm glad you all enjoyed it.  But I think it's time to get back to your rooms before Sleeping Beauty Moonvis starts coming around..."  (The rehab patients exit, leaving Mac and Finian.)

Finian: "I didn't think much of this when you first told me, but it turned out to be a lovely time."

Mac: "Thanks.   So, what do I owe you for the food?"

Finian: "Nothing.  I got it from the cook down at the fire station.  They were just about to sit down when they had to go out on a call.  Seems a fire'd broken out at Delafield's."

Mac: "Oh?   Anybody hurt?  Or killed?"

Finian: "I couldn't say.  I didn't stick around.  Well, it looks like you and me are on K.P. duty."

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